


Even Though You Are My Guy

by materialism



Series: Perpendicular [2]
Category: Paramore
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 09:46:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3973435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/materialism/pseuds/materialism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You make me crazy but I love you.</p><p>(The first anniversary though people still don't know - and changing that.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even Though You Are My Guy

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i know, i posted the first story about a week ago. i'm a monster. my job has been super slow lately so i've been able to make progress... but man, stealth writing porn is a challenge.
> 
> title is from "crazy for you" by best coast. this is set one year after the events of "in several different places." 
> 
> disclaimer: i own nothing, nothing at all - characters, places, events, and all situations are of my own creation. if you're a person involved in this story, make friends with the back button, do not google yourself or your friends, and get laid with your very real significant other.
> 
> enjoy.

“It’s fine, Zachary! It’s fine,” Taylor says, leaning back against the kitchen counter. His arms are crossed and he’s trying hard to hold back what could be incredibly explosive anger. 

Zac sighs and throws up his hands. “Babe, please don’t act like this -”

“Don’t babe me. And act like what? Act like I’m upset that my boyfriend wants it both ways? Fuck that.”

“That’s not what I mean! You’re twisting my words,” Zac says. “I’m just scared for your band, for your reputation -”

“Everyone who matters knows. I don’t give a shit about the rest of the world. The people who are with us will be with us,” Taylor says. “I’m so sick of hiding. It was fine when we were just starting out but it’s been a year. When we first got together, you promised me.”

Zac lets out a noise of frustration. “I know I promised you but it’s hard. I’m trying.”

“Every time we talk about this, you’re trying! I don’t really know if you are, Zac. I honestly don’t.” 

“Does your mom know? Your dad? How do you think they would feel?”

“They’d get over it, if they felt any kind of way about it. And it’s just telling people! Saying, ‘Hi, I have a boyfriend, you know him and he’s nice.’ You’re so incensed about that -”

Zac is playing with the necklace he keeps his ring on, the one Taylor gave him. The fact that he doesn’t wear it on his finger feels like a slap in the face every time he sees it. “I’m angry because you almost kissed me. You know I want to but it’s because we can’t tell people that we can’t do that. You know that, Taylor, you know that -”

“Oh, so you get to fuck me and say all sorts of nice things in private, but turn around and pretend you’re straight?” Taylor says. There’s a lump in his chest that surfaces whenever they have this conversation. “The truth’s gonna come out at some point. We should be in control of when it does.” 

His phone beeps with the automated text message from the cab service. “My cab’s going to be here. I’m going to wait outside.”

“Taylor, wait,” Zac says, dropping the chain and opening his arms. “Come here. Please? I don’t want you to leave without saying goodbye. What if something happens to you?”

Taylor hangs his head and sighs, petulant. He knows he’s prideful to a fault, never wants to relent (especially when he’s right - and he is right) but he also wants to kiss the daylights out of the stupid, wonky nosed, goofy guy in front of him. Being angry at Zac and still loving him is different from when he was a kid, his back slammed against a living room wall, lips bruised from baleful kisses. It’s not so violent as all that, destroying a flower bloom. It’s like growing the thorns to get to what’s really important. _I am angry at you, but it doesn’t change that I love you. It doesn’t sour that. We’ll get past it._

Taylor walks forward into Zac’s arms. They automatically wrap their arms around each other, Zac burying his face into Taylor’s shoulder, Taylor kissing his neck. When he breathes in, Zac’s wearing the cologne Taylor got for him this past Christmas. He’s glad another one of Zac’s shirts in his suitcase to sleep in - old habits die hard.

When they separate, they stay in each other’s arms. Zac’s face is scruffy from forgetting to shave, all prickly and fun in his hands. Taylor leans in and kisses him, briefly.

“I love you,” Taylor says. “I’m still angry at you. We will be talking about this. But I love you.”

“I love you too,” Zac says. A beep sounds outside. “Your cab’s here.”

“Okay,” Taylor says, turning around and giving Zac’s hand one last squeeze before he lets it go. “I’ll call you when I land.”

“Please do,” he says, but Taylor’s already closing the door and heading down the front steps. 

He doesn’t cry during the cab ride, because he’s cried enough about this, spilled too many utterly useless tears, but that lump in his heart from all their roundabout conversations is getting more solid every day, a contrast with his vacuous, icy chest. 

-

Time moves forward, as it does. Shows are good, the new stuff being well received as he’s given more praise for stepping up as a songwriter (always surreal). He can hear Zac’s ‘told you so’ in his head whenever someone gives him the heads up about a review, a phantom kiss on the cheek. He’s not pissed anymore so much as he’s just sore, their exchanged words a bruise on his ribs, a cut on the inside of his lip. Their correspondence has been sporadic - cordial at best, perfunctory at worst. He’s giving as much of himself as he can onstage, throwing himself around and even smiling when Hayley hits those notes, but in comparison to usual, he’s going through the motions.

“You okay?” Justin says to him right after soundcheck in Portland. His eyes are all concern as he balances Norah on one hip. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Taylor says, taking his pick from between his lips as he pauses the fingerpicking for Dust in the Wind.

“You don’t play Dust in the Wind unless you just need something to do with your hands,” Justin says. “I’m your brother. I’m gonna know when you’re off.”

“It’s nothing, just feeling a little weird,” Taylor says, going back to finger picking. “Winter blues, I guess.”

Justin pauses before he says his next words, seemingly trying to arrange them well. “You know, if it’s... different for you, it’s okay. If you’re different from me and Chris. It’s not wrong.”

“Well, no two people are alike,” Taylor says. He knows what Justin’s getting at, he’s not stupid, but he’s not sure how to go about this conversation with him.

Justin shakes his head and smiles. “Look - just know that I love you no matter what, okay? And Norah loves Uncle Taylor too, isn’t that right?”

“I love you both too,” Taylor says, after a long time spent just looking up at them. He’s always given himself glimpses of that for himself through his life. It just sends another pang of sadness through him.

Norah giggles and claps her hands. Despite his melancholy, that’s all the validation Taylor needs.

-

“Hey,” Jeremy and Hayley say on their lunch break between press junkets. They must have planned saying it in unison like that. Their freaky hive mind just adds to how annoying they’ve been this whole time.

Los Angeles is always a rush of publicity that leaves them breathless, barely able to pick up sticks and play a killer show in the night. They always do though. He loves his job more than anything, but sometimes he wonders if it had only been Josh who left. How would it be if Zac were with them every night? He could be with his boyfriend all the time, which would be a plus. Then again, Zac would be even more reluctant to come out if it were so. _Look at what happened to Hayley and Josh,_ he would say, _and they were straight._ It makes him want to put his fist through a concrete wall.

“What’s up,” he says ineffectually, not even taking off his sunglasses to look at them. 

“The past week or so you’ve been a little bit...” Jeremy says, rotating his hands to try and find a nice way to say what they’re all thinking.   
“Moody,” Hayley says, patting Jeremy on the shoulder. “I mean, not that you’re not normally a little standoffish -”

“Thanks, Hayley, you really know how to bolster a guy’s confidence,” Taylor snaps, and feels bad when she winces. “I’m sorry.”

“Something’s clearly buggin’ you, dude,” Jeremy says. “I’m not touchy feely, you know that, but at least give us a clue.”

Taylor thinks for a second. He wants to tell them, wants to tell them what they already know so badly, but he still can’t do that to Zac. Fuck him and his fear. And his stupid face and kissable lips and steady hands. “I got into a fight. Verbal, not physical, so don’t get worried.”

“Who with?” Jeremy says.

“What about?” Hayley says in rapid succession.

“Um,” Taylor says. Should he? It’s all there on the tip of his tongue, ready, waiting. These are two of his best friends on the planet, and he’s keeping something huge from them. But Zac... goodness. Jeremy and Hayley wait patiently, their eyes warm. 

He can take a middle road. That’s at least a decision he can make without Zac. “A person I’m close to. Um, it’s a little private what we were talking about, but it didn’t get resolved. I’m still angry at hi - at them. I don’t want to be, but I am.”

“The person you were fighting with. We know who it is, right?” Jeremy says after a long moment.

“Yeah, you do,” Taylor admits after a second, staring off in another direction. 

“He’s not just your roommate, is he?” Hayley says, putting her hand on his. 

Her sunglasses look really silly propped up on her head, and he cracks the smallest smile at that. Squeezing her hand, he shakes his head. “I want to talk about it. I don’t think I’m supposed to, though. For their - for his sake, I guess.”

“Whenever you’re ready, we’re here,” Hayley says, and Jeremy nods fervently. “Seriously, T. We love you.”

“I love you too,” Taylor says, and he feels his voice on the verge of breaking. “I just miss that person right now. I want him to miss me that way.” 

“I betcha he does,” Jeremy says and Taylor notices the pronoun change. “I bet he’s feelin’ real sorry about whatever happened.” 

“Having big arguments with... friends is really hard,” Hayley says. “Especially when you care about them a lot.”

“I just don’t know what to do,” he says. “It’s a while before I’m going to see the person again and resolve it. I feel like I’m lying in wait for a pounce that’s not gonna happen.” 

“Don’t worry anymore,” Jeremy says, looking at Hayley, who nods. “Just have fun and play every night. We got this.”

That sounds vaguely ominous, but oddly reassuring, and Taylor can only nod. He looks at his phone. “Ah, time’s up. Enough soul searching, back on that grind.”

“I hope they ask more questions about your beard and my honeymoon,” Hayley says as they walk toward the rooftop exit to descend the staircase. They all laugh at that.

-  
New York is, technically, great. New York is always great - big, loud, and Taylor feels like he’s not sophisticated enough ever, but it’s cool. The crowds are always sold out no matter what theater they play. With Justin, Hayley, and Jeremy’s words in mind, he’s been slowly building up his usual presence again, and it shows in how the fans receive him. For some reason, people think he’s some hot rock star. If they knew that off tour, he spends a lot of time with his boyfriend, biking and baking and being disgustingly in love, they’d... well, they’d probably just think he was adorable, which is weird in itself. He’s in love. He’s in love, and the ache in his chest is sharp and dull, sharp and dull. Tonight it’s dull, a rottenness that starts in his feel and threatens to come up through his throat. 

The usual chatter of changing and decompressing after the encore is in full swing and other than Hayley’s conspicuous absence, things are pretty standard. After saying a sweaty but pleasant hello to Chad (tall and cheerful as usual) and Kat (no Bliss in tow, she’s paying a visit to Gran in England), Kat tells them a friend of hers owns a restaurant down the block and invited them to have a private party there afterward, just the full touring band. It feels like everyone is stoked except for him. Why is he such a killjoy? He begs off but everyone insists, poking and prodding until he agrees to get them to shut up. He’s not going to follow through though.

They’re all exiting through a hidden entrance (away from the fans, who are well meaning but very enthusiastic at times) and Taylor’s dragging his feet behind them. Hayley appears seemingly out of nowhere, Chad having waited for her, and they walk beside him, chattering about what to do on their day off. They’re almost at the exit when Hayley’s eyes widen dramatically and he puts a hand on her cheek.

“Oh snap... Taylor, I forgot my sunglasses in the dressing room,” Hayley says, pursing her lips. “The new Ray Bans, you know. Can you get them for me?”

“You’ve got legs, get them yourself,” Taylor says. He’s going to go back to their hotel and take a shower and have a good old fashioned sulk, thank you very much. 

“Nah, we’re gonna get a head start on eating, I think,” Chad says, but there’s something off about his tone, a little too conspiratorial.

“Here’s the deal, T. You’re getting my sunglasses, and then you’re coming to the restaurant and not going to your room and sulking like you’ve been doing on the bus,” Hayley says. “Okay?”

She bats her stupid pretty eyelashes and smiles that hundred watt smile he can’t resist. Sometimes that crush he had on her when he was sixteen rears its ugly head. He sighs. “Fine.”

“You’re the best,” Hayley says. “Hurry!”

“Bye now!” Chad says, and he looks way too happy for this to be normal. He drags a waving, grinning Hayley off in the direction of the exit. 

After shaking his head and cursing under his breath, Taylor weaves his way through the labyrinth of the backstage area. The show was a brilliant one, yeah, probably the best they’ve played this tour. He wishes that he could just soak in that and not be weighed down by missing his stupid scared boyfriend. It sucks because he knows he’s been an asshole and he feels really bad, but he’s so lost. He’s dated people before Zac, loved and lost them, but none of them mattered this much. He wants to corner Jeremy and Kat or Hayley and Chad, ask them what to do, but then again they’ve never had to go through something quite like this. None of them have ever dated anyone of their own gender before. They’re married and settled and normal. And although he knows they know, from him not denying anything to them implying, they don’t even know officially. Everything is awful.

The staff at the venue already taken the labels off their dressing room door, so it takes a few tries for him to find the right door. He’s getting increasingly more frustrated as he comes upon broom closets and barren rooms with stray chairs. If she knows exactly where they are, why didn’t she just get them herself? By the time he throws open the corner door, he wants to scream, but stops short when he sees a person his size upon entering. A male person. A person very much like his boyfriend, wearing Hayley’s sunglasses and smirking at his undoubtedly red face.

“How does she take herself seriously in these things?” Zac says, taking off the offending lenses and staring down at them. When he looks up, he smiles even bigger. “Oh hi Mark.”

“Why did I let you see that movie,” Taylor says, but they’ve already met halfway and are kissing like it’s been years. Taylor tries to dip Zac down like a soldier coming home from war, but since they’re around the same size, it just becomes a hysterical scramble to not fall on the floor. 

When they get their footing, Taylor pulls Zac flush against him, burying his face in his shoulder. “What? How - you said you were going to be busy -”

“Hayley and Jeremy kicked my ass into coming to see you,” Zac says. “It was funny, actually. They’re really in your corner, you know.”

“But we’re playing Nashville in three weeks -”

“Didn’t want to wait that long,” Zac says. “Also there’s the part where I fucked up before you left.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Taylor says. “You were right. It would be a risk.”

“No, I wasn’t right,” Zac says. “Things are different now then they were when we were kids. People are more accepting of guys dating each other. It’s not as big a deal.”

“It’s not even about it being a big deal or whatever,” Taylor says. “I just want to be able to bring you as a date or hold your hand and just have people definitely know. Everyone knows, but not in a real way, and I... I just want to not feel shame about it.”

Zac’s face falls. “I’m not ashamed of you -”

“I know you’re not,” Taylor says, and he feels like such an asshole for saying all this - Zac isn’t coming from a place of meanness. “It’s just how we were brought up. The whole wrath of God thing. I don’t think He would have us find each other if it wasn’t right.”

Zac puts a hand on Taylor’s face. Taylor lets his eyes slip shut and leans into the touch. “I’ve been turning it over since you left. It’s all I’ve been thinking about and I - I think I can take that risk. You matter too much for me to be a coward, you know?”

Taylor feels himself smiling, despite his apprehension. Not for the first time by a long shot, though maybe it has just a bit more weight now, he says, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Zac says, lips finding Taylor’s. “Let’s go.” 

They link arms on their brief walk to the restaurant, faces close in conversation and... no one gives a shit. Granted, this is New York, but he sees another couple holding hands as they walk their little yappy dog. (Taylor doesn’t like that he still thinks of gay guys as girly, has to correct himself, but that couple is way more effeminate than he and Zac are.) He sees a girl with an asymmetrical bleached haircut smile at them when they pass her. Maybe she’s a fan, or maybe she just thinks they’re cute. Maybe things really are different now. 

When they get to the restaurant, they pause. Taylor stalls when Zac grabs his hand and starts to walk in, shocked by how bold that is.

“What are you waiting for, dude, we’re late as it is,” Zac says, winking as they walk in. 

“About time!” Jeremy hollers when they spot everybody, which makes Kat smack him on the arm. They’ve got a private room, so it doesn’t matter how loud he shouts, but she still has a good measure of England in her. “You’ve got the crappy booth spots. Sorry not sorry.”

“It’s fine man, as long as I’m not standing,” Zac says, and scoots in first, leaving plenty of room for Taylor to slide in beside him.

“Well?” Hayley says, holding out her hand. 

Taylor drops the sunglasses into her outstretched palms, mouthing ‘thank you’ to her. She nods and winks. 

The second he sits down, it hits him how fucking hungry he is. Thankfully, there’s some food left for them, and he wastes no time digging in, much to the amusement of the rest of the table. In the middle of a bite, Taylor feels something warm on his right knee - a twitch of fingers confirms that it’s Zac’s hand. He panics for a moment before he realizes that Zac is completely engaged in conversation with Jon, not paying the slightest bit of attention to him. When Taylor places his hand on top of Zac’s, he doesn’t look at him, but he definitely smiles big.

“Hey, hands where we can see them,” Chad says, and Taylor feels Zac freeze. Shit shit shit.

“Hands up,” Zac says, taking his hand off Taylor’s knee and immediately throwing an easy arm over his shoulders. 

“Much better,” Chad says, grinning and grabbing a wing off the plate in front of them. Taylor bets he totally can’t wait to have a gay kid so he can be a supportive dad.

Maybe they have a little wine in them, or maybe it’s because the show went so well, but Zac’s arm doesn’t move the entire rest of the night. He makes vague gestures so that Taylor can perform the task for him - getting his drink or a bite to eat, a napkin, or pass something to someone else. Whenever Taylor says something cute (or what Zac deems as cute, which could literally be anything), he gives him a big kiss on the cheek or head. It’s overboard, they both know it is, but no one at the table minds. In fact, it seems like they’re all over the moon about it. 

“I have to go, babe,” Taylor says, slipping out of Zac’s grasp. “I promise you’ll get through me not being your arm candy.”

“Fine, if you _have_ to,” Zac says, but gives him a soft, full kiss on the lips. “Hurry back.”

Taylor is surprised that he barely stammers out, “‘Kay,” before he scampers off in the direction of the bathroom. He hears everyone laughing in his wake.

His actions are quick and functional in the bathroom, but he spends a full five minutes leaning against the wall, hyperventilating. He’s happy, so happy, but he didn’t think that Zac would transition into things so quickly. Maybe he just needed affirmation. Maybe he’s wanted this just as bad. Just the idea of that makes Taylor’s heart want to burst.

As Taylor makes his way back, he hears the tail end of a conversation between Zac and everyone else. He ducks behind a wall to listen in.

“Only took you guys a year to actually say something,” Jeremy says. “What was the wait for?”

“It was me, I’ll admit,” Zac says. “He wanted to and I was scared for some reason. I thought it would ruin his reputation or people would be angry. But he doesn’t care and you guys don’t care.” 

“We knew,” Hayley says, in that teasing but kind voice only she can do. “We’ve known for years before you started dating, and we’ve known this whole time. You think we didn’t know whenever you two hooked up on tour?”

“I asked if you were together when she and I first started dating,” Chad says, and Hayley laughs. “She was like ‘technically no’.” 

Taylor feels his cheeks burn up pink. Zac coughs the way he does when he’s been found out. 

“Future plans?” Kat says, her pretty lilt carrying over into his corner of the room. 

“We’ve been together for a year and change,” Zac says. “And I loved him before that, so we’ve already passed the transition into serious, but things are going to change. We want to get a dog, I guess?” 

“Name the first baby after me,” Chad says and Taylor locks eyes with Zac from across the room. They stick their tongues out at each other and Taylor walks over. 

“Chad’s a stupid name for a dog,” Taylor says, sliding back in and kissing Zac on the cheek. “It would be funny to name it Kat though.”

Kat laughs with delight as Chad pouts. “I mean human babies. Obviously, you’re not even remotely thinking about that right now -”

“Not at all,” Zac says. “But just because you want us to name a baby after you, I hope we have all girls.”

The rest of the evening passes by without much other fanfare. The conversation is easy, the food is good, the wine is pretty decent, and Kat’s friend (who Taylor suspects is an ex-boyfriend) comps the whole thing. Their hotel is just around the corner from the restaurant, and Taylor’s left to wonder how tonight has turned out so magically. When they get their hotel keys, however, things are a little off. 

“Yours all say ten on the front and ours says fifteen,” Taylor says, utterly perplexed. 

“We got you guys a room on another floor so you can be as loud as you want,” Hayley says, waggling her eyebrows. Taylor sticks his tongue out at her.

“C’mon, tiger,” Zac says, pulling him into the elevator for the higher floors. 

The second the doors close, Zac’s on him pressing him against the wall of the elevator and cupping him through his jeans as he sucks on his earlobe. Taylor prays that the elevator doesn’t stop before they reach their floor; that would certainly be game over for the rest of the night. Thankfully, it doesn’t, and they find their room quickly. In his frantic state, Zac has difficulty with the card key, fucking it up five times before Taylor steps in and slots it in successfully on his first try. Zac pushes past him and pulls him into the room. Once the door is closed, he slams Taylor against it and practically attacks him.

“I’m sorry,” Zac says, rubbing him through his pants and swallowing his sighs with kisses. “I wanted to run after you and say I was sorry but you were already gone.”

“I wouldn’t have listened,” Taylor says after biting his lower lip and dragging out the release. “I was too angry to see your side. I feel awful about that.”

“We’re better, right?” Zac says, his dopey eyes full of regret and love. “I’ll make it better. I really do promise this time.”

“We’re always better, love,” Taylor says, smoothing back Zac’s hair and kissing him once, firm and true, on the lips.

“Good,” Zac says. “I’m not going to do some punny lead in to what I want, so I’ll just be blunt - I’m done with this ‘wearing clothes’ nonsense.”

“This room is really warm,” Taylor says, already working on his pants, having kicked off his shoes and taken off his shirt. In addition to pining, he’ll admit he’s been really horny.

“You better take those pants off,” Zac says. “It should be against the law to just walk around in pants that look so fucking good.”

“Why isn’t your shirt off yet?” Taylor says, stepping forward and starting to unbutton it. “The one day you know you’re gonna get laid, you wear a stupid button up -”

“It’s a done deal? I’m gonna get laid? Score!” Zac says, shrugging off the shirt after Taylor’s done unbuttoning. Taylor loves his torso, his lean arms and smoothed out abdomen. Taylor wants to lick every inch of his gorgeous tan skin, mar its surface with bruises. 

Things blur a little, Taylor transfixed on the fluid motion of Zac’s body, and soon enough they’re naked before each other. Zac looks so trim and streamlined, whereas Taylor’s been intermittently stress eating and has gained a little weight. He feels kind of self conscious about it. Zac’s probably been wanting to jump his bones for weeks, and this is what he gets? Some people carry extra weight well, but he’s not sure if he’s one of them. He feels just this side of unappealing. 

Zac, however, looks so bedazzled by Taylor’s body before him. “Oh fuck, your thighs and belly and - lay down, babe, I wanna touch -” 

“Okay, weirdo,” Taylor says, rolling his eyes and laying down on the clean smelling king (!) bed, propping himself up on the fluffy pillows. Zac climbs on and settles between Taylor’s thighs.

For some reason (though he attests that it’s because he thinks Taylor is hot no matter what), Zac is all over him when he’s a little softer around the edges. Not that it isn’t amazing - he digs his fingers and sinks his teeth into all the right places - but he’s still processing that someone would want him when he’s less than ideal. Zac bites down on the insides of his thighs hard, sure to bruise, half moon black and blues. When Taylor lets out a loud and low moan, he prays to God that these walls are less thin than the other places he’s taken residence.

“It’s been like two weeks and I’m crawling up the walls,” Zac says, lips moving closer to but not quite reaching his cock. The worst tease. “I’ve been thinking about this nonstop. And now you’re here, and you’re thick and gorgeous. I just want to make you feel good...” 

“You can fulfill your dreams now, you know,” Taylor says. “Like, skip the teasing and all that. Just a thought.”

“I’d rather have you just as crazy,” Zac says, sitting back on his feet and just running a palm up and down his thigh, gentling scratching with every down stroke. 

“I _am_ just as crazy,” Taylor says. 

“I’ve heard,” Zac says, finally at his cock, licking a stripe bottom to top. “Hayley filled me in. Sulking, pining. Pissy. I’ve been given all the details.”

“What else did she say?” Taylor says. She’s terrible. Jeremy wouldn’t leave a guy out to dry like that.

“Basically just that,” Zac says. From the way he says it, Taylor knows it’s not true, but he’s not gonna push it.

“Well, I’ll cop to it if you keep doing that,” Taylor says, stroking Zac’s hair. He feels like it’s a useless gesture but Zac always seems to like it.

“I’ll settle,” Zac says. Taylor is tempted to kick him in the shin, but then he’s finally going down on him, and oh, _oh_.

He’s so good at this, taking his time to gage exactly what Taylor needs. Right now it’s a post show, post-PDA high he needs to come down from. Zac’s rhythm is languid without being lazy, guiding his hand in time with his head. Taylor further tangles his fingers in his hair, giving it a little tug, and is rewarded with a downright filthy moan. If there’s a person on this planet who loves getting their hair pulled more than him, it’s Zac. It’s like there’s no place he would rather be than right here. Taylor’s blissing out when he notices the glint of a silver band on Zac’s right ring finger. It can’t be...

“Is that...?” Taylor wonders aloud, and Zac stops to look up at him.

“Is what?” Zac asks, but he knows. “Oh. Later.”

“Right,” Taylor says, as Zac goes back to sucking his dick. He pushes it to the back of his mind. Soon enough. That’s at least one thing Zac follows through on. 

“Do you want me to fuck you tonight?” Zac says. “You need to be able to play on Friday, after all.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Taylor says, but if he’s being honest with himself, there’s some truth in that statement. “I really, really do. Just not right this second.”

“Well, obviously,” Zac says. “I was gonna eat you out first. Actually I’ve been thinking about that a lot.”

Taylor short circuits for a brief second. “Have you really?”

“Mhm,” he says, slowly stroking Taylor’s cock. “We haven’t done it much at all, which is ridiculous. 

“I didn’t think you liked it,” Taylor says. “You’d always shrink away when I tried.”

“That’s because I didn’t think _you_ liked it,” Zac says, grinning. “We should probably learn to communicate better. You and me both.”

“Yeah,” Taylor says, arching his back when Zac thumbs the slit. 

Zac grins and makes his way down, grazing his teeth on the inside of his thighs. mouths at him gently, prodding his tongue in the center and slipping a finger in as he licks. Taylor lets loose a high pitched whine, uninhibited, and he actually feels Zac smiles from between his legs, the huff of amused breath.

“We’re playing that game tonight, are we?” Zac says.

“Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?” Taylor says, and he feels a smiles stretch across his face. 

Whenever they have sex (which is pretty often, especially now that they live together), there are a number of ways it can go, depending on what’s going on. Zac prefers an easygoing time, where even the roughest of sessions are peppered with sentiment. Taylor also likes that, but he also likes being bossed around a little bit, maybe called a few names. It starts off like this - Taylor making a huge, loud fuss, an invitation for Zac to quiet him down or just shut him up altogether. 

“Hmmm, what _am_ I gonna do about it?” Zac says, tapping his chin with his pointer finger.

Zac answers his own question by spreading him out and flattening his tongue against his asshole. He’s so good at this, reducing Taylor to a quivering mess with just the flicker of his tongue, feather light to a deep pressure. Right now, he’s hooked his arms around Taylor’s thighs and is deep into eating him out, eyes closed in concentration, moving along with Taylor’s body thrashing. He slips his pointer finger into him and moves it in time with his tongue, one arm still hooked around a thigh to remind him who’s in control. 

“Feels so good, baby,” Taylor says, slipping into his character - needy, desperate, a little glutton for punishment. “Like that, yeah...”

“Like this?” Zac says, stopping immediately. It takes all of Taylor’s willpower to not kick him in the teeth, but he’s rewarded when Zac goes back to his task, barely there licks this time around. He talks between each one. “I think you should blow me. I think that’s a good way to go about things. Do you want to blow me?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Taylor says.

With one last kiss for each thigh, Zac shifts so that he’s the one who’s lying on his back, propped up on the hotel pillows. (Taylor hates hotels, but they’ve got great pillows.) Taylor settles between his legs and takes his dick in his hand, stroking him a few times to get him going even more before sinking his mouth down. Zac tangles his fingers in his hair immediately, tugging curls that are getting messy and long from lack of attention. Zac’s probably better overall at blowjobs, but Taylor’s a champion deep throater. Zac throws his head back and moans.

“Love seeing my cock in your mouth,” Zac says, clearly testing out how the words taste on his lips. He roughly massages Taylor’s head as he hums his approval. 

Taylor just flutters his eyelashes in response. He’s relishing the feeling of Zac’s cock in his mouth, loves it, loves it. Really, if he had known just how much he liked sucking dick, he would have done it much earlier in his life. The stretch and thickness, almost to the point of discomfort, is intoxicating. He had always thought it would taste nasty, but it’s just skin, a little salt if he’s really getting Zac going. The smell is what really gets him going - a different kind of musty than a girl, but just as nice. Sex smell? Is that what it is? Whatever, it’s awesome. When he lightly touches Zac’s balls, he’s rewarded with Zac’s sharp intake of breath and a very hard tug at his roots. He gets a head scratch a second later as an apology. 

Taylor will never tell Zac this, but part of the reason he likes this game is that for all of Zac playing along, he gets his sweetheart of a boyfriend back at the end. He knows Zac enjoys this in some way - his eyes get wild and he always, always comes. In actuality, he’s a marshmallow who wants to cuddle on the couch and go on cheesy romantic dates and have Taylor fuck him into next week. Right now, though, he’s looking at him, hungry for more. Taylor pulls off and keeps stroking him, looking up at him as a challenge.

“You said you wanted to be fucked,” Zac says. “I bet you wanna come. I’ve barely even touched you and you wanna come.”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Taylor says, laying the neediness on thick. “Want you in me...” 

“On top,” Zac says. “Gotta work for it, come on. You know you want it anyway.”

Taylor nods vigorously as Zac fully lies on his back. He crawls over and quirks his head. “Which way do you want me facing?”

“I want to see your face when you ride me,” Zac says, smacking his ass. It stings a little, but Taylor fucking loves it. “C’mon, I don’t have all night.”

Taylor grins and straddles Zac’s hips, positioning his cock before he sinks slowly down onto it. (They stopped using condoms a while ago, after getting tested, one of the more terrifying experiences of Taylor’s life.) When Zac bottoms out, Taylor grinds down on him, just rolling his hips as his legs bracket Zac’s thighs, pinning him to the bed. He’s looking up at him like he’s made of gold, and Taylor smirks. Zac’s breaking character, but it’s fine - Taylor wishes there was some way to burn his expression into his mind’s eye forever. He establishes a slow and steady bounce on Zac’s cock, intermittently grinding to keep him constantly on edge. He feels his own cock dragging on Zac’s belly, and his skin is warm against his own. He hums behind his bitten lip, ending in an “oooh” as Zac’s cock nudges his G-spot.

“Fuck this,” Zac says, probably infuriatingly turned on. “Stay still, can’t be having you running the show here.”

Zac plants his feet on the bed and starts fucking Taylor in earnest, going faster than Taylor’s momentum ever could. He folds Taylor almost past the point of comfort as he fucks into him, the slick slide of his cock sending waves of pleasure through his body. He feels his eyes rolling back as Zac’s hips pick up the pace, making it almost impossible to do his fair share. When they’re in the midst of this, Zac usually wants complete control of the situation, which is fine by Taylor. Just as things are starting to get good, Zac stops. When Taylor looks down, he sees his eyes are wild. 

“Back, now,” Zac says, and there’s something fiery in his tone of voice that makes Taylor get on his back immediately. 

When Zac slides back in, he wastes no time, and Taylor lets out a loud whine that has Zac going faster and more erratic. Zac claims he likes missionary because it gives him the best leverage, but Taylor knows better - it’s the easiest for them to kiss in. Zac leans down and gives him a sweet kiss like sunshine before his eyes flicker back to predatory.

“You like getting fucked, don’t you?” Zac says. “You look so good too -” 

“I fucking love it,” Taylor says, grunting when Zac hits that spot. “You’re so hot, it feels amazing -”

“You wanna come?” Zac says. 

Taylor nods, knowing full well that it’s not enough. Zac’s features droop down. “I said, do you wanna come?”

“Y-yes,” Taylor says, holding back a grin. It’s so hard to be serious about this kind of thing, especially when Zac is also holding back a grin.

“Yes what?” Zac says, and it’s all they can do to not break into hysterical laughter.

“I wanna come, I wanna come,” Taylor says, laughter turning into drawn out moans when Zac actually starts to fuck him with conviction. 

Zac is fucking him so hard that it actually stings when their skin slaps together, but Taylor loves it. He’s always been into a little pain mixed in with his pleasure. He loved when girls scratched down his back or bit him, and now he gets a sweet, goofy boy who’s not afraid to roughhouse him a little. It’s awesome, especially since they’re around the same size so they can get a little more aggressive with one another. Zac won’t even let him touch himself right now, smacking his hands away whenever he tries.

“You can’t touch yourself until I say so,” Zac says. “You’ll really get it if you don’t stop trying.”

“What if I want to get it?” Taylor says, laughing.

“Oh yeah? You want to get it?” Zac says, pulling out. “Hands and knees, let’s go.”

Taylor scrambles from his back to his knees, nearly getting himself tangled in the sheets. Laughing at his eagerness, Zac spreads his cheeks and swipes his tongue over Taylor’s asshole a few times. Taylor would be embarrassed about how he whines at the sensation if it wasn’t so good. Zac pulls back up and lines himself up behind Taylor, brushing himself along the seam of his ass, pretending to push in but backing out. 

“Fuck you, stop teasing,” Taylor chokes. 

“As you wish,” Zac says, and shoves in.

Taylor doesn’t get a steady build like he did before, Zac opting to ram into him hard and fast right away. Taylor wouldn’t have it any other way, letting his moans escalate to really get Zac going. He’s an audiophile to an absurd degree, bending every which way to elicit whimpers, gasps, moans, and if they’re somewhere remote enough, screams. (Taylor didn’t know until they started dating that he was a screamer. Oops.) 

“I think I’m gonna come in you,” Zac says, fucking him faster, harder, his moves getting more erratic. “Do you want that? I bet you want that. Or your back?” 

“In me, in me,” Taylor says. “Please let me touch myself. Please.”

“Why should I let you touch yourself?” Zac says, and Taylor groans with how good it feels. This is what he needed tonight.

“I want to come when you do,” Taylor says. “You feel so good inside me. Am I making you feel good?”

“You gotta tell me something first,” Zac says. “I can’t let you do anything before I know.”

“What do you want me to tell you?” Taylor says. He’s unbearably close and Taylor’s on the verge of kicking him right in the shins. 

“Are you mine? Am I yours?” Zac says, and there’s some mix of character and not-character in his voice. Even in his sex induced haze, the sincerity strikes a chord. 

“I’m yours, I’m yours,” Taylor says, because it’s true. He’s not going to bother hiding the various marks blooming on his neck tomorrow. He wore Zac’s shirt onstage tonight. It’s all spelled out. “You’re all mine. No one else gets to have you.”

“So good, baby, so good,” Zac says, sighing and kissing between his shoulder blades. This is the real Zac. “Alright, you can touch yourself -”

Taylor’s hand is on his dick before Zac finishes the sentence and he cries out in relief. He gets a slap on the ass for not waiting, but it doesn’t matter, because Zac is whimpering as he gets closer and closer, squeezing Taylor’s ass until it hurts. Taylor rests on his forearm as he falls forward, Zac shifting with him, angling his leg for leverage as he pounds away. When Zac hits that spot inside him dead on, Taylor comes with a shout, sobbing with how incredible it feels as he spills out over the hotel sheets. Zac isn’t far behind, growling as he comes inside him, fucking Taylor long past the point of comfort when he rides it out. 

“Thank you, love,” Taylor says, kissing the top of Zac’s head when he pulls out and collapses beside him. “I know you don’t like that.”

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” Zac says. “Sometimes, it’s just hard to wrap my head around being rude and condescending to my boyfriend when we’re having sex.”

“It’s just pretend,” Taylor says. “It’s interesting seeing a different side of you. Also, I occasionally like to be bottom so I can be lazy like you.”

“I don’t bottom because I’m lazy,” Zac says, squeezing Taylor’s ass. “I bottom because I like getting fucked. Unlike my seventy seven year old boyfriend, sex does not tire me out.”

“Really? In my experience, you fall asleep at least three out of every five,” Taylor says, kissing Zac on the cheek. He’s back to himself again. 

“Excuse you,” Zac says. “Two point five out of every five. If you’re going to rip on me, get it right.”

Taylor sighs. This guy, he swears. “Thank you. For tonight. I mean, with everyone.”

“It felt really good,” Zac says. “I think I was so busy worrying about some imaginary fallout that I didn’t realize how perfect it would feel to be open with you.”

“You were very, very open,” Taylor says.

“Gotta rub it in,” Zac says. “I tricked this adorable guy into dating me. Quite the accomplishment.”

“For a whole year nonetheless,” Taylor says, then smacks his hand over his mouth. He’s already brought this up as a point against Zac, and he’s not trying to rub it in. He’s just a sentimental fool when it comes to saving any sort of date.

“Tomorrow, yeah,” Zac says. He looks at the clock on the nightstand. “Actually, it’s been our anniversary for an hour, babe.”

“Happy anniversary,” Taylor says, and they smile shyly at each other. When he moves in for a kiss, Zac is already there, curling a hand around Taylor’s waist as he kisses him. “I was gonna get you something in Nashville, so you’re gonna have to wait a little while, sorry. 

When their second kiss subsides, Zac’s body language changes, a ripple of apprehension suddenly touching Taylor’s ribcage. “Uh. I actually got you something. That’s kind of why I came out here for this date.”

“Okay...” Taylor says. When Zac doesn’t make a move, he grins. “Well?”

Zac’s eyes widen, like he forgot he was supposed to actually produce the gift. “Oh! Yeah. Right. Hold on.”

Zac untangles himself from around Taylor and scrambles his way out of the bed, hopping toward his backpack. Taylor sits up and watches from the bed, amused. Even though it’s hot, Zac’s naked body is also goofy beyond measure. Genitalia is, overall, pretty silly. After searching through probably every nook and cranny of his bag, he produces a small box and settles back on the bed, handing it to Taylor, who stares at it.

“Go on, open it,” Zac says, gesturing toward the box.

Taylor opens it and can’t help but inhale sharply. It’s a ring. Only it’s not just any ring - it’s what could be a companion to the ring on Zac’s neck. It’s a simple band, surface clear but for one etching: _John 4:18_. Taylor puts his hand over his mouth.

“I’m done with wearing my ring on a necklace,” Zac says, holding up his right hand and yes, that’s his ring. Taylor feels affection like a blow to the chest. “I want people to know I’m spoken for, that’s I’m yours. But I also want that for you. I’m yours, you’re mine, and I need to stop being afraid.”

Taylor looks hard for a sign of teasing, for signs of an impending ‘fooled ya!’ but nothing happens. Zac’s eyes are dead serious, shining with hope, with a fear that his missteps will have eclipsed this gesture. He doesn’t have to worry about that. Zac always says he’s the feelings man of this operation, but Taylor doesn’t think that’s true anymore, at least not right now. He didn’t think it was possible for him to love another person this much, let alone more and more each second. It all feels so grandiose, out of some cheesy paperback book they sell in dollar stores, but he doesn’t care. 

“People don’t belong to people,” Taylor says, trying to keep it together but failing miserably. 

Zac rolls his eyes fondly. “Why did I let you see that movie?” 

Taylor puts his right hand forward and lets Zac slide the ring onto his finger - a promise, a placeholder for a ring of a different sort one day. He rushes forward and throws his arms around Zac’s neck, just holding him close. Zac’s arms come to rest around his ribs as they lean into a gentle kiss, lips conveying what’s too large to say out loud. ‘I love you’ can only do so much to encompass everything Zac is to him. With one last nip and muttered goodnights, they settled back down drift off to sleep. Taylor dreams about playing guitar to a certain one man audience, knowing that in the silence, he is appreciated and adored.

-

They’re eating lunch at a pretty decent cafe in Cleveland when there’s a lull in the conversation. They’re about to be interviewed by a reporter from AP (EP release, world tour, talking about Parahoy 2, which sets sail in 3 days) and they’re kind of killing time. Taylor has been turning over how to tell them now that he can, now that they are officially going to. Zac came out to Josh the other day as a tester, which went remarkably well, so Taylor’s feeling brave. Or stupid. Some combination of the two. 

“Uh, so,” Taylor says, looking at Hayley and Jeremy, who are looking back at him with huge shit eating grins on their faces. 

“So,” they say in unison, gasping and high fiving at how in sync they are.

Taylor glares at them for a few seconds until they settle down. “I asked you to sit down with me because. Well, I just. I know you already know, especially since we've been the kings of PDA as of late, but it’s important for me to say it officially. So. I have something to tell you.”

“What’s that?” Jeremy says.

“What do you have to tell us?” Hayley says. 

_They know. They know and they love you. This is just a formality. Stop worrying._ “Uh. Okay, so, I’m sorry for not telling you in certain terms sooner, but I’ve been dating a guy for a while.”

“Who’s the lucky dude?” Jeremy asks.

“Is this totally mystery guy treating you right? I’ll beat him up, I’m really scary,” Hayley says.

“Zac, actually,” Taylor says, laughing at them trying to suppress their delight. “It’s going really great. We’ve been dating for a year now -”

“You’ve been dating for that long and you didn’t say anything until now?” Hayley says, her scandalized face smoothing back to a supportive smile when Jeremy kicks her under the table. “I mean, wow, congratulations, T.”

Taylor rolls his eyes. “Thanks. Uh, I don’t know if I’m gay or bi or whatever. I just love him and that’s that.”

“Thanks for telling us, man,” Jeremy says, reaching over to clap him on the shoulder. 

“Proud of you,” Hayley says, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. 

Taylor grins at the both of them, who reflect his expression back. “Let’s kill this interview.”

-

   
__

_FINALLY LEVELING OUT: PARAMORE IN 2016_

_[continued, pg 83] Not much is known about York, who at 26 is the youngest member of the band. He abstains from social media and doesn't speak much in interviews if the subject matter strays from music or surface fluff._

_"I like it that way," York says. "My personal life is my business. It's nothing against anyone. I just need some things to be mine and mine alone, you know?"_

_However, when asked about his rumored romantic relationship with former member Zac Farro, 25, a small smile appears on his face as Williams and Davis make whooping noises. Taylor nods. “Yes, Zac is my boyfriend. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.”_

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to add me on tumblr at [toallofourfavoriteparts](http://toallofourfavoriteparts.tumblr.com). thanks for reading.


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